Alternative title: "The worst re-telling of a story ever told."
The New Guy's story, give or take.
Something about the Ozarks and the guy's friend's grandfather's house there. Prohibition was coming. In preparation, the grandfather buys up cases of whiskey and in the basement puts up a few false walls behind which he hides his stash.
Sadly, the grandfather dies somewhat soon after.
No one knows about the whiskey behind the wall. Times goes on. The house at one point is a Bed and Breakfast. The house gets old, and eventually sold to make way for condos. The house is being torn down. The whiskey is discovered, cases of 1923 Haig and Haig Scotch Whiskey.
Old Plan: The Big One hits and I get trapped in The Cave. ONLY after days pass and air is running out, ONLY when hope is futile, do I start breaking into lockers.
New Plan: Same as the old plan. The lockers may have recently been re-prioritized.